Waiting to be a Choice | Art Piece
A desk with a computer setup in front of a curtain. In front of the computer is a Cochlear Implant and Hearing Aid laying on the desk. The computer screen says "Waiting to be a choice" with a loading icon below. Next to the computer, it says “not survival.” Surrounding the computer are essential desk items such as keyboard, mouse, and pencil holder.
I have been using hearing devices since I was one year old. It was something I heavily associated with my deaf identity and is my only real recognition of what hearing could potentially be. My experience with my devices has been a rollercoaster and no matter how long I have lived with these devices, it continues to surprise me, frustrate me, and amaze me.
Growing up as the only deaf person in my family, it is no surprise that these devices were my tools to connect with my family who only communicate through speaking. While it gave me a glimpse of what hearing is, it also came with its own issues and frustrations.
On my best hearing days, I still cannot hear as well as my family and peers unless I was in ideal conditions. Quiet room with little to no background noises, 3 people maximum, and where I can see everyone’s lips to speech read. The amount of work, energy, and time to communicate is tiresome which has been building up over the years.
My devices are still my safety net, my survival kit in the hearing world. Without the communications systems having both audio and visual options, without information to key services is openly available, without accessibility and disability inclusion the standard, the need for my devices are still strong.
Personally, I am working on moving towards a lifestyle where I can find the balance and boundaries I need to make wearing my devices feel more of a choice than a need. Where I gravitate towards them because I want to experience the sounds, not because I need to be on alert. It is a work in progress by embracing more of the silence that I love so much and connecting more with Deaf Culture and ASL that showed me easier communications that I can strive to live for.
Like anything, it takes time. However, there is a significant societal need for accessibility in terms of understanding that the ways it has always been done is not accessible. We also need to understand the different solutions that do exist actually benefit us all even if the original intention was to increase access for persons with disabilities to have the same experiences in the community. I am looking forward to the day when I can just leave my devices at home without worrying about my safety and access to what my community has to offer.
